Freshly away from a 10-year wedding, I was really naive about
hookup culture
and sex in general. Appearing right back, I see
so many warning flags
for the man we dated for five months after my divorce case. Here you will find the indicators I missed that I happened to be matchmaking a closet sex addict.

1. 
   He planned to have sexual intercourse constantly.
   
   We had been having sexual intercourse at least fourfold every day. In the beginning I didn’t realize it absolutely was unusual; I’d been married for a reasonable time before we dated him and so I don’t understand what ended up being a «normal» level of sex. Whenever I was actually married, normal used to be per month, when we started matchmaking he, I just thought he was truly, really interested in me personally. I mean, I
   
   am
   
   quite awesome.
2. 
   He had been sorely shy.
   
   I know this does not seem like it suits, but he met all his girlfriends online, and so I believed he’d never ever had a one-night stand. I could never visualize him getting a woman in a bar. Ends up, the guy came across every person on Craigslist, Tinder, or other hookup apps. I am just perhaps not claiming all timid men are closet gender addicts, but we
   
   am
   
   proclaiming that being timid doesn’t tip it.
3. 
   He appreciated feamales in all sizes and shapes.
   
   In an excellent world, all males could not care about any female’s imperfections. In actuality, most of us have dated men who’d their choices and dislikes. He previously none. At first I thought it absolutely was empowering; he did actually
   accept myself personally
   . He’d explain females the guy discovered attractive, plus they ranged from rail-thin to obese, blond to black hair, pale epidermis to dark skin. We never ever once thought bad about any section of my body system and he never made me feel ugly, but afterwards, I’d to wonder: that is really drawn to
   
   everybody else
   
   ?
4. 
   He’d some unusual intimate experiences in the last.
   
   Exactly who am I to guage if the guy did a few things that I wouldn’t have? Did not we all have a past? At first I happened to be excited to possess located some body thus available. We purposefully failed to respond as he explained regarding time he met a meeting gay guys on craigslist getting on the obtaining conclusion of a glory hole. (it was not gay, the guy demonstrated, since the guy couldn’t start to see the guy. The guy viewed right pornography whilst guy sang dental on him from behind some cardboard.) Subsequently there was clearly enough time the guy participated in a threesome, therefore the time a female came to their work so he could fist their. I need to confess I enjoyed listening to his tales, but I was starting to be concerned that things he previously carried out in his past could well be circumstances he’d want again in his future.
5. 
   The guy saw pornography… lots.
   
   From the our first dialogue about porno. He was extremely surprised to hear that i did not have a problem with it. Exactly how can I influence which he wasn’t allowed to view porn? That could indicate
   
   I
   
   was not allowed to view it, and
   We enjoyed porn
   . Unless it prevented him from planning to end up being intimate with me, I didn’t see an issue. It never ever became a problem; the guy usually nevertheless wanted sex. It wasn’t until as we split up which he admitted it had been curbing him getting his work accomplished in the day.
6. 
   The guy had his or her own business.
   
   If you constantly need certainly to see porno, wank, swipe on Tinder, or organize craigslist hookups, just what better position having rather than becoming your very own boss? The guy could keep a couple of times each day without anybody knowing—including me personally.
7. 
   He would never ever tell me their «number.»
   
   I didn’t ask outright but we joked about this. The guy informed me he would never ever let me know their quantity. We added up his past girlfriends and guessed that number. The guy chuckled and told me, «Probably a lot more.» I realized he’d dated much more women than I’d heard about. I never ever thought he had connected with the amount of arbitrary individuals.
8. 
   He was actually, great at sex.
   
   I imagined it absolutely was because we were very in melody emotionally. He paid attention to my personal signs during intercourse like hardly any other man had. As it works out, he’d simply had a lot of training. While I couldn’t stick to him when I learned he had been cheating (with many other people!), we’ll bear in mind him due to the fact finest gender we ever endured.